My Scheduling Conundrum

co·nun·drum  

/kəˈnəndrəm/

Noun A confusing and difficult problem or question. A question asked for amusement, typically one with a pun in its answer; a riddle.

Synonyms riddle - puzzle - enigma - mystery

I've said it before, I've puzzled over it before.Our family schedule is different that ANYONE else's. Or NEARLY anyone else's. Andrew works 6pm to 6am, normally arriving at home around 7am. Because they are 12 hour shifts, he only works 3 nights a week. Every week he works different nights. Sometimes it's Tues/Wed/Thurs, sometimes it's Sun/Wed/Thurs. You name it, it could be anything, and just when I think there is a pattern, it changes. 

Sometimes after working a night shift, he is able to bounce back to a regular schedule of sleep, sometimes it takes 3 days to get back on track. Sometimes he just settles for a stay-up-till-3am-sleep-till-nearly-noon plan. But it's never the same, or predictable. 

Because he works 3 nights, he is home 4 days/nights, sometimes it ends up being 5 days in a row, but then sometimes it's only 1 night at a time.

I have NO complaints about night shift over all. I am fine sleeping alone, getting Nate ready for school alone. I am FINE having 3 evenings a week to myself. I'm not sure how we'd do on days. Andrew works well as a night owl. Overall, it suits us just fine. But MY schedule, the chores, and play dates, and girls lunches, and hobby time...Everyone else just knows to fit it all between Monday and Friday, between 8 or 9, and 5ish.

Right now, we find ourselves with 4 Saturdays a week. We sometimes have "chore time", and a lot of sitting around, going to town, playing.... because what would YOU do if your husband was suddenly home during the week? Take advantage of it!!! Am I right? 

So I find myself with 2 "puzzles":

1)How do I schedule my days? I can't say EVERY MONDAY is for XYZ, it changes every week. And I can't say every day 8:30 is ABC, 10am is XYZ. because somedays Andrew is home, somedays not, some sleeping but getting up soon, sometimes I expect him to sleep, and he is up. And even if I go week by week, knowing what days he is home and up vs home and sleeping, I  never know when he'll be up. How do I plan? I'd LOVE to have some sort of regular schedule, schedule chores, or even play time, something more structured. Something to keep me on task. 

2) I don't HAVE to sit with my husband all day every day. I often tell people I can't do things because my husband is home. Because I word it just like, there are people that suspect that my husband won't LET me out of the house, that he DEMANDS I sit with him and entertain him all day. Some of them even get all Judgy McJudgeington on me. Yes, he loves to have me with him, (it that a man thing? my Dad is that way too) but it really is on me, because in my head if Dad is home, it's family time. I need to LET MYSELF out, but them sometimes I find myself running, gone and busy, the whole time that Andrew is off. Where is that balance, between Family Time, and Independent Maren time (which ALWAYS makes me feel guilty), and The Household Keeps Moving, So Catch UP!!! time??

One person suggested that I tell my husband where to get off, and just go when I want, do what I want, tell him to do whatever he wants. That's not the wife that I am, that I want to be.

Another person suggested that I make a household schedule, every day the same, and just keep it running, and Andrew can jump in when he's up to it, or not. But to me that seems a little cold and selfish towards my partner to say "This is what WE do, and how WE do it, join us or not, we don't care!"

But then, Andrew could care less about a schedule, he'd rather roll with it. But he likes to be involved. I think he's pretty ok with things the way they are, but chores never happen, and hobbies never get done, and my scripture study suffers, and I often feel like it is because I am sitting around waiting to see when he'll be getting up, what he plans to do for the day... Not because HE expects me to do that, but because I feel like I should. 

And there are not a lot of people who have more experience than I do at living this way, to ask for advice. Not many people "get it", let alone understand how our family rolls - which, side note, is a whole 'nother post, but can be illustrated by saying I LOVE snow days, and stupid holidays that allow Nate to be home, because we just belong together.

But do you have any ideas? Please????