I've known I needed to write this post for a while now. I've tried to write it, then I crumple it, throw it in the trash, and walk away. If it was less important I'd just forget about it, but I need it for me, if not now then in a few years. And I need to say it so that I can process it, and I need YOU to know, so that you you know it's ok to talk about it, but when someone asks you, you know what to say.
When someone asks you what, you say?
Sigh. It's "that" question - You know...the one about babies.
Is Maren Pregnant?
Are they planning on cracking out another baby or what?
Why do they only have two kids?
Aren't they ever going to have any more kids?
For a long time I haven't known the answer to any of those questions either. It just never seemed to happen. We even tried Clomid.
Then on top of THOSE questions were all the questions about why my body was so fruity - my periods so out of whack, hormones all over the chart...and nothing seemed to affect them.
Why does Maren have zits like a teen?
Why is Maren working out and dieting, and GAINING weight?
Why does Maren have a BLACK beard?
Why did Maren have no period for 9 months one year, and years later have back to back periods for 3.5 months straight?
Why at the age of 30 has Maren been having periods for more than 20 years?
And how about that IBS?
Well...I have answers. Nothing exciting or concrete, but answers.
Apparently my body can not regulate my hormones. I do not have any "condition". There is no explanation, bu there is also no "cure". Only a management. Which means living on The Pill for the rest of my life, at least until I end up with a hysterectomy, but I'll have a hard time finding a Doctor that will take it ALL out for no life-threatening reason.
Which also means no more babies. Yes, we can adopt, maybe. And yes, there is a small chance that I can be on the pill for a few years and then forget 3 of them in a row, and it may accidentally happen. But realistically, we are a family of 4, long term.
So...There you have it. No, I am not pregnant, and never will be. We only have two kids because that's what we were lucky enough to get. Really, the chances of getting THEM was slim. No, it's not a personal choice, it facts of life. Although after 2 weeks on the Pill, I am no longer bleeding, and my acne is clearing up.
How do we feel about it?
Lots of really mixed feelings. Sad - We both always planned on a family of 6, the two of us plus four little hooligans. Relieved - We KNOW. We can make plans. I like to plan. Anxious - Life on the Pill was not pleasant before, but maybe it's gone downhill so far since then that going back to that will actually be an improvement? Guilty - for feeling a little relieved that we'll only have one of each gender, and that's so tidy and convenient.
When we told the kids I could tell that Em didn't really grasp it. Nate cried. "I just REALLY REALLY miss holding little babies!" So we talked about how when everyone else is having babies we can spoil them, we'll hold them and snuggle them, and babysit them because we WON'T have one at our house, so it will be exciting. That seemed to help.
I guess I am still deciding how I feel. But I am ok talking about it. It's an open subject...Shocker...Everything is with me!
When someone asks you what, you say?
Sigh. It's "that" question - You know...the one about babies.
Is Maren Pregnant?
Are they planning on cracking out another baby or what?
Why do they only have two kids?
Aren't they ever going to have any more kids?
For a long time I haven't known the answer to any of those questions either. It just never seemed to happen. We even tried Clomid.
Then on top of THOSE questions were all the questions about why my body was so fruity - my periods so out of whack, hormones all over the chart...and nothing seemed to affect them.
Why does Maren have zits like a teen?
Why is Maren working out and dieting, and GAINING weight?
Why does Maren have a BLACK beard?
Why did Maren have no period for 9 months one year, and years later have back to back periods for 3.5 months straight?
Why at the age of 30 has Maren been having periods for more than 20 years?
And how about that IBS?
Well...I have answers. Nothing exciting or concrete, but answers.
Apparently my body can not regulate my hormones. I do not have any "condition". There is no explanation, bu there is also no "cure". Only a management. Which means living on The Pill for the rest of my life, at least until I end up with a hysterectomy, but I'll have a hard time finding a Doctor that will take it ALL out for no life-threatening reason.
Which also means no more babies. Yes, we can adopt, maybe. And yes, there is a small chance that I can be on the pill for a few years and then forget 3 of them in a row, and it may accidentally happen. But realistically, we are a family of 4, long term.
So...There you have it. No, I am not pregnant, and never will be. We only have two kids because that's what we were lucky enough to get. Really, the chances of getting THEM was slim. No, it's not a personal choice, it facts of life. Although after 2 weeks on the Pill, I am no longer bleeding, and my acne is clearing up.
How do we feel about it?
Lots of really mixed feelings. Sad - We both always planned on a family of 6, the two of us plus four little hooligans. Relieved - We KNOW. We can make plans. I like to plan. Anxious - Life on the Pill was not pleasant before, but maybe it's gone downhill so far since then that going back to that will actually be an improvement? Guilty - for feeling a little relieved that we'll only have one of each gender, and that's so tidy and convenient.
When we told the kids I could tell that Em didn't really grasp it. Nate cried. "I just REALLY REALLY miss holding little babies!" So we talked about how when everyone else is having babies we can spoil them, we'll hold them and snuggle them, and babysit them because we WON'T have one at our house, so it will be exciting. That seemed to help.
I guess I am still deciding how I feel. But I am ok talking about it. It's an open subject...Shocker...Everything is with me!
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