Maren V.2012

I've had a hard time putting my thoughts about my hopes for myself in 2012 into words. It goes beyond "I want to get skinny" or "I want to be more organized"...I have felt for a very long time like satan has been very successful at keeping me too busy doing good things to do the best things. Last year, in January, I was very motivated to refocus my life, and surround myself and fill my time with the most important things, the essential things. I was absorbed by doing the right things, and I felt great. One month into the year I started to feel...strain. And I felt like maybe I didn't have the right balance, and I felt like people were telling me that I needed to relax a bit, I shouldn't kill myself and make myself miserable. I didn't have to be thinking about scriptures, prayers, service and things like that EVERY second, and really should back off a little. I couldn't find that spot that was "backed off just a little", and ended up falling completely off the train. In April, I heard this talk by Sister Julie B Beck at General Conference. It really struck a chord, and it's been stewing around back in the recesses of my brain, trying to decide what to do about it.

“A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do. Life is not calm for most women, and each day seems to require the accomplishment of a million things, most of which are important. A good woman must constantly resist alluring and deceptive messages from many sources telling her that she is entitled to more time away from her responsibilities and that she deserves a life of greater ease and independence. But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently. The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life."

Does that get you the way it gets me? Does it make you jump up and down and say YES! MEE TOO!!! Does it give you an Ah-Ha moment? Because it does me.

I have to jump on the freight train and fight with all my might. Satan and his minions (not the cute yellow dudes, by the way. I was very disappointed to learn they aren't real. Just thought you should know) will do ANYTHING to keep me from teaching my children, especially by example. They will use any means possible to make me snippy with Andrew. The will stop at nothing to make me feel entitled to a little selfishness. If I REALLY want to be like Christ, there is no room for that. Is it human? Sure. But isn't that what we are working to eventually overcome? If I allow myself for one minute to think that I can "back off, just a little", I am allowing the minions to yank me off the train.

On the church website I found  a link that had four pictures, the first had the above quote under it. The next three had a guide to priorities, as follows:

Essentials - The things that must be taken care of to ensure the blessings of eternal life for me and my family.
-Inviting revelation (praying always)
-Studying scriptures daily
-Taking time to ponder and fast
-Making and keeping covenants (sacrament meeting, temple)
-Loving one another

Necessary - Things we have to do as a part of mortal life in order to be self-reliant and be of service to our families and the Lord.
-Strengthening marriage and family relationships
-Homemaking (cooking, cleaning, working)
-Living providently
-Giving compassionate service
-Doing temple and family history work
-Sharing the gospel
-Serving in the Church

Nice-to-Do's - These add variety to our lives, but they won't save us.
-Crafts
-Hobbies
-Recreational reading
-Lunches with friends
-Movies
-Travel
-Blogging and recreational computer time

I don't know about you, but for me, the things on the last list are the most fun, and for a very long time have been at the top of the list. It's easy to say "I have to stay up till midnight to blog", but it's also easy to say "it's midnight, and I am too tired to read the scriptures". That's what I want to start changing. Honesty: it isn't going to be fun or easy, or fast. I've got a good grasp on that concept.

So what's the game plan? What specifically do I want to accomplish? I dunno. I really could make a list of the types of things I want to work on, but it could get...lengthy. I do know that I want to study that conference talk, and priorities more, get real familiar with it. I want to memorize the Relief Society Declaration, and work to develop the qualities it talks about. I want to earn my Personal Progress. I think doing those things will lead to the other things I hope to do, as I do those things, I will naturally find myself doing the other things I hope to do...

I REALLY want to get more organized and disciplined with my time management. I'd like to work on strengthening my marriage by working on how I treat, view, and interact with Andrew. We'd like to spend more quality time as a family, really develop our family TEAM. For my health (more on that next week) I need to increase my exercise and decrease the caloric intake. I'd also like to continue to develop some talents, and learn some new skills, And I need to be a smidge more conscious about my media choices, especially around the kids.

There's more. (There always is.)  I can't make a list of 30 things I hope to accomplish or do better at in 2012. (Well, maybe I can...I think a bit of subway art might be in order...) I will just have get to the end of the year, and reread that talk, and the priorities, (and If I am lucky, journal entries) and ask: did I try more often? Did I succeed more often? 

I think the point is...

I want to try. Do you?