I've been thinking lately about friends. Dear friends, I love you all. I could type here what I love about each of you. I probably should, but I am terrified that I'd forget to mention one, and then we'd both feel horrible.
So many touch my life, and enrich it. Life would be so bland without all of the colorful faces and personalities that I like to pack my world full of.
But I've been sad, because I didn't feel like I was giving enough to any of them. I told Andrew the other day that I felt horrible because I don't ever feel like I have enough time for my "everyday friends"... You know the ones. You'd like to talk to them nearly every day. Check in on them, hang out, let the kids play, make lunch together, run errands together, work on projects together.... I used to have that with Amy J. I miss it! We'd rearrange rooms, and make things, and be all sorts of productive together. This summer my Rosie-Doodle was husbandless much of the time, and we SHOULD have done all sorts of amazing things with the kids all summer. And I look at all the amazing women that are my virtual-besties, either because we live too far away, or because we haven't found a way to DO more together. And my very favorite Sister, Nanna-Bear....some days we'd be happy living together in adjacent bedrooms again. (*Note: SOME days. NOT all...but often!)
And I wondered WHY? Why don't I have Amy J as an everyday friend anymore, to be all sorts of productive with? And why didn't Rose and I get to do more amazing things with the kids this summer?
I thought about it, after mentioning that to Andrew, and was thinking about how I often tell people "I can't, my husband is home"...and the response I often get (or maybe imagine that I get?) is something like "why won't he let you out of the house?" Or "Just tell him to play a video game while we take the kids to the park!"
And that wasn't it!!! He's not "keeping me in the house". But what was it?
And then last night, while Andrew and I were sewing away together in out adjoining craft areas (because we are uber nerds like that! It's what we do when we aren't watching National Geographic/History channel shows), we were talking, and he mentioned that he thought he knew why I was feeling like I didn't know how to be the "everyday" friend that I used to be with Amy, or that so many other women seem to be. To go to the zoo with another mom and her kids, or have a weekly playdate with my favorite group of moms.
We got to thinking...why do women do that kind of thing?
Isn't it because their husband (their best friend) is gone at work, and as women we crave companionship, some one to chat with, be with, and maybe help us keep a second pair of eyes on our kids? Girl time is part of it too, but we like girl time best WITHOUT the kids, when we can leave them all home with dad!
So what's different for me? AH-HA!!! My bestest everyday friend is already at my house everyday! He's not KEEPING me home, but he's home, and I want to be with him the most!
Andrew only works 3 (very long) days a week., and that's at night. That leaves him only sleeping a MAX of 2 full days, sometimes only part-days, to get back on a regular sleep-at-night schedule. SO..When all my friends are looking for an everyday friend to be productive and do fun things with the kids (because their built-in one is at work), I already have one at my house, and we are often doing productive things, or having adventures with the kids. And when I am looking for an everyday friend to fill in the time while my built-in everyday friend is gone....their's is home, and they are doing productive things together, and having adventures with the kids. If everyone else's best friend/built in everyday friend/husband got to be home 4 days a week, they'd have a lot less time for me too.
The reason Amy and I were such good Everyday Friends is because our husbands were gone at the same times. The reason Heather and I are able to keep up with time together is because we find times when our husbands are both gone, because if they are home, we want to be with them more.
Our life is very different, because of the schedule we run. Sometimes it's a little lonely, but it works for us. It provides a security that we greatly appreciate. Night shift works REALLY well for Andrew, and I am VERY grateful for that. And it provides a LOT of time to be together. We're pretty lucky! So friends, keep asking me to do things. I need time out! I CAN leave the house when he's home... I do it for choir, and and will do it for other things sometimes too...and Andrew DOES sleep several days a week. But when I seem to be saying "no" a lot, or when I tell you I can't, because my husband is home...It's not that I don't love you with a HUGE portion of my heart, or that my husband is mean and locking me up in the house. It's because my very best friend is already at my house. You don't leave your best friend at your house when he's home on Saturdays, and take your kids to the park or the zoo with a group of other women. You save that for when he's NOT home. And I try to do that too. Because he's my bestest-bestie, my partner, and companion, and I choose him first.
So many touch my life, and enrich it. Life would be so bland without all of the colorful faces and personalities that I like to pack my world full of.
But I've been sad, because I didn't feel like I was giving enough to any of them. I told Andrew the other day that I felt horrible because I don't ever feel like I have enough time for my "everyday friends"... You know the ones. You'd like to talk to them nearly every day. Check in on them, hang out, let the kids play, make lunch together, run errands together, work on projects together.... I used to have that with Amy J. I miss it! We'd rearrange rooms, and make things, and be all sorts of productive together. This summer my Rosie-Doodle was husbandless much of the time, and we SHOULD have done all sorts of amazing things with the kids all summer. And I look at all the amazing women that are my virtual-besties, either because we live too far away, or because we haven't found a way to DO more together. And my very favorite Sister, Nanna-Bear....some days we'd be happy living together in adjacent bedrooms again. (*Note: SOME days. NOT all...but often!)
And I wondered WHY? Why don't I have Amy J as an everyday friend anymore, to be all sorts of productive with? And why didn't Rose and I get to do more amazing things with the kids this summer?
I thought about it, after mentioning that to Andrew, and was thinking about how I often tell people "I can't, my husband is home"...and the response I often get (or maybe imagine that I get?) is something like "why won't he let you out of the house?" Or "Just tell him to play a video game while we take the kids to the park!"
And that wasn't it!!! He's not "keeping me in the house". But what was it?
And then last night, while Andrew and I were sewing away together in out adjoining craft areas (because we are uber nerds like that! It's what we do when we aren't watching National Geographic/History channel shows), we were talking, and he mentioned that he thought he knew why I was feeling like I didn't know how to be the "everyday" friend that I used to be with Amy, or that so many other women seem to be. To go to the zoo with another mom and her kids, or have a weekly playdate with my favorite group of moms.
We got to thinking...why do women do that kind of thing?
Isn't it because their husband (their best friend) is gone at work, and as women we crave companionship, some one to chat with, be with, and maybe help us keep a second pair of eyes on our kids? Girl time is part of it too, but we like girl time best WITHOUT the kids, when we can leave them all home with dad!
So what's different for me? AH-HA!!! My bestest everyday friend is already at my house everyday! He's not KEEPING me home, but he's home, and I want to be with him the most!
Andrew only works 3 (very long) days a week., and that's at night. That leaves him only sleeping a MAX of 2 full days, sometimes only part-days, to get back on a regular sleep-at-night schedule. SO..When all my friends are looking for an everyday friend to be productive and do fun things with the kids (because their built-in one is at work), I already have one at my house, and we are often doing productive things, or having adventures with the kids. And when I am looking for an everyday friend to fill in the time while my built-in everyday friend is gone....their's is home, and they are doing productive things together, and having adventures with the kids. If everyone else's best friend/built in everyday friend/husband got to be home 4 days a week, they'd have a lot less time for me too.
The reason Amy and I were such good Everyday Friends is because our husbands were gone at the same times. The reason Heather and I are able to keep up with time together is because we find times when our husbands are both gone, because if they are home, we want to be with them more.
Our life is very different, because of the schedule we run. Sometimes it's a little lonely, but it works for us. It provides a security that we greatly appreciate. Night shift works REALLY well for Andrew, and I am VERY grateful for that. And it provides a LOT of time to be together. We're pretty lucky! So friends, keep asking me to do things. I need time out! I CAN leave the house when he's home... I do it for choir, and and will do it for other things sometimes too...and Andrew DOES sleep several days a week. But when I seem to be saying "no" a lot, or when I tell you I can't, because my husband is home...It's not that I don't love you with a HUGE portion of my heart, or that my husband is mean and locking me up in the house. It's because my very best friend is already at my house. You don't leave your best friend at your house when he's home on Saturdays, and take your kids to the park or the zoo with a group of other women. You save that for when he's NOT home. And I try to do that too. Because he's my bestest-bestie, my partner, and companion, and I choose him first.
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